If you’re curious about exploring anal sex, but aren’t sure where to start, we have some tips on how to have a pleasurable and comfortable time
What Is Anal Sex?
Anal sex is any sexual activity that involves the anus. It can involve rimming (licking the anus), fingering, massaging, sex toys and the tried-and-tested penis method. Many people, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender, can enjoy anal sex. Men and trans women have a prostrate, which is between the bladder and penis and just in front of the rectum, and when stimulated can be pleasurable. For women and trans men, the perineal sponge between the anus and vagina is a sensitive area, which may also feel pleasurable when stimulated during anal sex. So basically, anal sex may feel good for all people.
Do I Want Anal Sex?
But whatever you think of anal sex, rushing into it can lead to a bad experience. The truth is, some people love anal and some hate it. If you don’t want to try it, then don’t. If you and a partner want to have a go, then crack on. And remember – you can stop at any time. To ensure maximum pleasure, and avoid pain, here’s some tips.
How Do I Get My Partner To Have Anal Sex?
Don’t pressure anyone. It’s simple: get the consent of anyone involved. And remember consent is an ongoing process. Never pressure anyone into trying anal sex, and don’t try it if you’re not into it. Being relaxed and turned-on is essential for good times.
Will Anal Be Messy?
Anal will probably be a little messy, and that’s totally normal. Try putting a towel or old sheet down which you can pop in the wash after. Make sure you go to the toilet before and you can even take a shower too. At Fumble we get asked a lot: will I poo on my partner’s penis? Probably not. Once the penis or sex toy or finger gets past the anus, you enter the rectum. The rectum stores feces when you’re about to poo. As long as you’ve recently pooped and don’t have health issues that may make pooping unpredictable, you’re unlikely to poo on your partner. There may be a little mess, so be prepared, but don’t panic, you can wash it off with soap and water.
Should I Use Lube?
The anus is not self-lubricating, so make sure you use plenty of lube. The lube will make it more comfortable and pleasurable for all parties. The more the merrier. Use lube for any kind of anal play. If you’re using a condom (which we recommend to prevent the spread of STIs), use a thick water-based lube. Silicone lubes and oil-based lubes last longer than water-based lubes, but aren’t always safe to use with condoms, so look it up before you use them. Also, avoid desensitising lube. You could lose sensation to the point that you don’t notice your anus tearing. Also, desensitising the area sort of makes trying anal completely pointless.
Where Should I Start?
If you’re nervous about your first time doing anal, you could always try it on your own to see if you like it. This involves using a dildo and plenty of lube and inserting it slowly into your anus. You can experiment with what you like and take it at your own pace.
If you’re now ready to get down with your partner, remember to take it slow. As the area around the anus is extremely sensitive, start externally. Rimming (licking) and massaging will relax the anus, which will prevent pain. Don’t believe the rumours — pain is not an inevitable part of anal sex.
Start small — the aim is to introduce your anus to the idea of having something penetrate it. To seduce your anus, if you will. Fingers (with short, clean fingernails) and small toys are ideal. The anus is not self-lubricating, so use lube. If you’re going to play with sex toys, only use ones that have been designed to go up there. Doctors spend a lot of time fishing objects out of people’s anuses. It’s mortifying, but do go to A&E immediately if something gets stuck.
Can I Incorporate Other Stimulation?
YES! Just because you’re trying anal play, doesn’t mean other stimulation is off limits. Add in some clit stimulation, you can touch yourself or get your partner to touch you, depending on your comfort and position. If this feels too much, stop. But don’t be scared to experiment with other parts of your body at the same time as anal play.
How Do I Make It More Adventurous?
You could move onto bigger things. Totally optional, and not to be rushed. You may want to stick to using small toys and/or fingers to start with. But if you do move on to either a penis or bigger toy, remember to take it slow and stay well lubed. It might take a while to find the best position. If you’re being penetrated you could lie on your stomach, go on all fours (doggy), or try missionary (lie on your back). Remember to communicate with your partner throughout anal play to ensure you’re both enjoying it. If you’re doing the penetrating, don’t rush in and start pounding away. DO NOT copy the anal sex in porn — not everyone will enjoy this.
What Should I Do If Anal Sex Hurts?
If it starts to hurt or feels bad or weird, stop. Having anal sex for the first time may feel very different to other kinds of sex. Some people say having anal sex makes them feel like they’re about to poo (don’t worry, you probably won’t). But if you don’t like the feeling, you don’t have to do it. Pain from anal sex is usually caused by little tears in the tissue by the anus. These heal quickly, but may be uncomfortable, so give yourself a break from anal for a while. To prevent anal tears from happening use lots of lube and start with small objects, such as a finger.
Anal sex shouldn’t be a marathon — don’t persevere because you think you’ll break through a barrier and make it to the end. Anal sex, like all sex, should be pleasurable. So remember, you can stop at any point. Otherwise, have fun!
Page Last Reviewed: 12 May 2020