When it comes to sex… how do we know what’s normal?
Normal… a word that can make us feel safe, boring, invisible and relieved all at the same time. But what has that word got to do with having sex?
Actually, that’s easy. Nothing!
There is no such thing as normal sex.
Once again, for those right at the back:
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL SEX.
But how often should I be having sex??
Just as health/beauty/lifestyle mags and sites like to recommend how many eggs we should be eating a day, there are also numerous stats on how often we should be having sex. Ignore them.
Your sex life is your business, not a glossy magazine’s. How you have sex, and how often you have sex is entirely up to you and your partner(s).
Have a think:
- What amount of sex feels good for you?
- Are you satisfied with the quality of the sex you are having?
If the answer to #2 is yes, does it matter if the answer to #1 is three times a day, or twice a month, or once a year, or less?
There is no normal amount of sex. This is about you and your body and your pleasure, alongside your partner(s). It’s also something that will change depending on what else is going on in your life. What feels good now might not feel so good the following year, and that is perfectly fine.
If you aren’t satisfied with either the quantity or quality of sex with your partner(s), have a chat with them. Perhaps it’s time to communicate your needs and expectations, as well as listen to theirs.
We were having sex all the time at first, but now…
It’s common for partners to be all over each other when they first get together, whether that’s in bed, on the sofa, or elsewhere…
It’s common because it’s science. When we first get together with someone we’re attracted to, we release lots of bonding hormones that work like magnets, attaching ourselves to each other. It’s also exciting and a huge turn on to learn about and explore each other’s bodies.
This calms down after a while.
That’s not say that the relationship is waning! It’s about feeling more comfortable with each other and, therefore, not needing the bonding sexual time in the same way.
But I want more/less sex than my partner…
It’s not unusual for one person in a relationship to want sex more often than their partner. That’s not about one of you being more attracted to the other; people’s libidos vary.
This may be a temporary thing. Libido can be affected by numerous factors, like exam stress, depression, unemployment, and more. It could also be that your libidos are different.
Either way, have a chat about it. Communication is key!
Remember: it is never okay to pressure your partner(s) into having sex more often, even if that is your preference. You are not entitled to sex with your partner(s) simply because they’re your partner(s).
One more time… there is no such thing as normal sex!