This is MY body

Charlotte Miller body boundaries, body ownership, choice, consent, intimacy, personal space

You are the only person who gets to decide when your body is or is not touched. No one else

It doesn’t always seem like our bodies belong to us. People often invade our personal space and make us feel uncomfortable. Because of this, it’s important to learn how to create your own boundaries and know what to do when you feel uneasy.

Physical intimacy

Some people love holding hands, kissing, and hugging their loved ones. Human touch can make us feel closer and more intimate with others.

But we are all different, and not everyone likes this level of intimacy. Some people like physical intimacy at certain times and don’t like it in other circumstances.

All of this is completely normal. Just because you don’t like physical intimacy doesn’t mean you don’t value and love other people. It just means you express your love for others in different ways.

Feeling pressured

Although we don’t have to be physically intimate with people, sometimes we feel pressurised to do it. There are so many instances when people intrude upon our bodies, and it’s totally not okay. Your parents may force you to kiss your relatives. Some friends are insistent on hugging you. Strangers may stand too close to you in a queue.

Our bodies belong to us. We are not objects, and nobody else owns our bodies. This means it’s completely acceptable to tell someone you don’t want them to touch you if it makes you feel weird or uncomfortable.

Creating boundaries

So, how exactly do you create these boundaries and make sure other people respect them?

Be honest

Communication is key. If you feel uncomfortable with physical intimacy, make sure you speak up. Before someone tries to hug you, tell them it makes you feel awkward and explain why. People are more likely to respect your wishes if they know why you don’t like hugs or kisses. Otherwise they may be confused, and force that awkward hug.

Offer an alternative

Tell people what you would prefer to do instead of hug or kiss. Maybe you could wave, give a high-five, or simply just say hello. It may be a different technique for different people or scenarios. You decide what works for you.

Respect other people’s decisions

Make sure you respect other people’s choices when it comes to physical intimacy. Don’t force a hug or kiss on someone who doesn’t like it.

Disrespected boundaries

If someone is disrespecting your personal boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable, try speaking to someone you trust about it and see if they can help. You can also contact Safeline or Childline for confidential support. You own your body, no-one else. Don’t feel weird about being honest with people about what you like and don’t like. If they don’t respect your wishes, you may want to reconsider your relationship.