Oral sex

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Oral sex is a great way to pleasure your partner, so here’s some tips on how to do it well

Oral sex is when you use your mouth to stimulate your sexual partner’s genitals: their penis, vulva and clitoris, or their anus. This has always been a hot topic in the world of sex, but it can be pretty intimidating if you’re new to it. And even if you consider yourself a mouthy maestro, we think there’s always room to learn.

There are a tonne of ways to describe having oral sex, many of them a bit grizzly. Some common phrases are: ‘blowjobs,’ ‘sucking off’ or ‘giving head’ if you’re performing oral on a penis, or ‘eating out’ or ‘licking out’ if you’re going down on a vulva and clit. ‘Going down’ is a general term that can apply to any genitals.

Is oral sex for you?

Whatever you’ve heard about oral sex, the first and most important thing to remember is that it’s not for everyone. Whether giving or receiving oral, some people love how it feels, and some people don’t. And that’s totally fine either way. If you’re not comfortable giving or receiving oral, no one should pressure you. Your partner should listen to you communicating that. Remember, as with any type of sexual intimacy or behaviour, oral should always begin with consent.

Keeping safe while going down on someone

You can transmit and pass on sexually transmitted infections (STIs) through oral sex. You can keep safe by using condoms or dental dams. Both of these act as a barrier between the genitals and the mouth. This might seem like less fun – but safety is not only sexy, it can be tasty too. Condom and dental dam manufacturers have developed entire buffets of flavoured condoms to make oral more interesting.

Tips for giving oral to someone with a vulva

There are no fixed rules for what people enjoy when receiving oral. So when you’re going down on a woman or person with a vulva, it’s really important to ask if they like what you’re doing, listen to what they say, and read their body cues. If it seems as though they’re not into it, pause, check, and be ready to stop if they ask you to.

The vagina and vulva: Start by gently licking around their vulva and the opening of their vagina. You may have to use your hands to part the labia (folds of skin) to reach the clitoris and vagina. Take it slowly and be gentle — the last thing they want is a tongue lashing right at the start — and be careful with your teeth. Stimulation around all areas of the vulva can feel really good, so don’t neglect it for the sake of going straight for the clitoris!

The clitoris: The clitoris is a pea-sized area at the top of the vulva, and it’s very sensitive. It’s thought that there are more than 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris. So if you go at it too hard, too fast, too soon, it can be uncomfortable or even painful. Experiment with gently licking and sucking on and around the clit. See how they respond, and you can always build up the pressure if they’re into it.

Mix it up: Once you’ve figured out what they enjoy, try to establish a rhythm that works for you both. You can speed things up, or slow them down. Try working your tongue down from the clit to the vagina and back to the clit again. Some people like having a finger or two inside their vagina to stimulate their g-spot while being given oral, or having their anus played with. But make sure you ask before you start sticking fingers anywhere. Take it slow: For people with vulvas, it may take a while for them to orgasm. So take your time and explore what feels good for them.

Tips for giving oral to someone with a penis

Again, people like totally different things, but giving oral to a guy or person with a penis usually means stimulating the head and shaft of their penis. The most sensitive area of the penis is usually the glans (or bellend), but again — different strokes for different folks.

Penis action: Hold your mouth around their penis with just your lips touching the shaft, and move your head up and down its length. You can use your tongue to stimulate their shaft and head as well, but be careful of your teeth. ‘Blowjob’ is a pretty misleading term – there’s very little blowing involved. ‘Sucking off’ is the same – experiment with gentle sucking, but you’re not a hoover.

Get handsy: If your mouth gets dry you can take breaks, and use your hand to keep stimulating them. It’s a good idea to have lube available, because dry hands can quickly get sandpaper-y. And there’s lots of flavoured lubes out there too if you want to mix things up a bit.

Perineum and balls: Some people like having their balls gently pulled or played with during oral, or their perineum (the gap between their balls and bum) stroked. Some might also like having their anus played with, but with all of these make sure you check they’re into it before you start rubbing, tugging or putting fingers anywhere.

Spit or swallow: If your partner ends up ejaculating (‘cumming’), that’s pretty fun! If you don’t want to taste their semen, you can spit it in a cup. If you want to swallow it, go ahead. And if you want to stop just before they ejaculate, that’s cool too. There are options!

How to give the best oral sex

These are some tips to get you started, but each person is completely different when it comes to oral. So make sure you ask what your partner likes before, during, and after sex. Communication is the guaranteed way to make sure you and your partner have a good time.