Oral sex is a great way to pleasure your partner, and here’s some tips on how to do it well
What’s Oral Sex?
Oral sex is when you use your mouth to stimulate your sexual partner’s genitals: their penis, vulva and clitoris, or their anus. Oral has always been a hot topic in the world of sex, but it can be pretty intimidating if you’re new to it. And even if you consider yourself a mouthy maestro, we think there’s always room to learn.
There are a ton of ways to describe having oral sex, many of them a bit grizzly. Some common phrases include ‘blowjobs,’ ‘sucking off’ or ‘giving head’ if you’re performing oral on a penis, or ‘eating out’ or ‘licking out’ if you’re going down on a vulva and clit. ‘Going down’ is a general term that can apply to either gender.
Is Oral Sex For You?
Whatever you’ve heard about oral sex, the first and most important thing to remember is that it’s not for everyone. Whether giving or receiving oral, some people love how it feels, and some people really don’t. And that’s totally fine either way. If you’re not comfortable giving or receiving oral, you should feel able to clearly communicate that with your partner. And remember, as with any sexual act or behaviour, oral should always begin with consent.
Keeping Safe While Going Down
While you’re less likely to catch STIs through oral than through vaginal or anal sex, it’s still possible. But if genital fluids come into contact with sores, cuts, or inflamed areas around your mouth, you can get an STI, such as Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea, HIV, or syphilis. You could also get Herpes Simplex Virus, which can be passed through oral. So be smart!
You can keep safe during oral by using male or female condoms, which act as a barrier between the genitals and the mouth. This might seem like less fun – but safety is not only sexy, it can be tasty too. Condom manufacturers have developed entire buffets of flavoured condoms to make oral more interesting.
Tips For Giving Oral To Someone With A Vulva
There’s no fixed rules for what people enjoy when receiving oral. So when you’re going down on a woman or person with a vulva, it’s really important to ask if they like what you’re doing, listen to what they say, and read their body cues. If it seems as though she’s not into it, pause, check, and be ready to stop if she asks you to.
Position: There are loads of different positions for oral, but a good starting point is for them to lie on their back with their legs spread wide. And if you want to be more adventurous, she can kneel or stand, or you can lie down and she can crouch on your face.
The vagina and vulva: Start by gently licking around their vulva and the opening of their vagina. You may have to use your hands to part the labia (folds of skin) to get to the clitoris and vagina. Take it easy and be gentle — the last thing she wants is a tongue lashing right at the start — and be careful with your teeth. Stimulation around all areas of the vulva can feel really good, so don’t neglect it for the sake of going straight for the clitoris!
The clitoris: The clitoris is a pea-sized area at the top of the vulva, and it’s VERY SENSITIVE. There are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris. So if you go at it too hard, too fast, too soon, it can be uncomfortable or even painful. Experiment with gently licking and sucking on and around the clit. See how she responds, and you can always build up the pressure if she’s into it.
Mix it up: Once you’ve figured out what she enjoys, try to establish a rhythm that works for you both. You can speed things up, or slow them down. Try working your tongue down from the clit to the vagina and back to the clit again. Some people like having a finger or two inside their vagina to stimulate their g-spot while being given oral, or having their anus played with. Make sure you ask before you start sticking fingers here and there.
Take it slow: For people with vulvas it may take a while for them to orgasm. So take your time and explore what makes them scream.
Tips For Giving Oral To Someone With A Penis
Again, people like totally different things, but giving oral to a guy or person with a penis usually means stimulating the head and shaft of their penis. The most sensitive area of the penis is usually the glans (or bellend), but again — different strokes for different folks.
Positions: As long as both of you are comfortable, and you’re able to move your head, you could try oral with him standing, lying on their back, straddling your chest, or whatever else works.
Penis action: Hold your mouth around their penis with just your lips touching the shaft, and move your head up and down its length. You can use your tongue to stimulate their shaft and head as well, but be careful of your teeth. ‘Blowjob’ is a pretty misleading term – there’s very little blowing involved. ‘Sucking off’ is the same – experiment with gentle sucking, but you’re not a hoover.
Get handsy: If your mouth gets dry you can take breaks, and use your hand to keep stimulating him. It’s a good idea to have lube available, because dry hands can quickly get sandpapery. And there’s lots of flavoured lubes out there too if you want to mix things up a bit.
Perineum and balls: Some guys like having their balls gently pulled or played with during oral, or their perineum (the gap between their balls and bum) stroked. Some might also like having their anus played with, but with all of these make sure you check they’re into it before you start rubbing and tugging!
Spit or swallow: If you end up pleasing your partner and making them cum, that’s pretty fun. And if you don’t want to taste their semen, you can spit it in a cup. If you want to swallow it, go ahead. And if you want to stop just before he ejaculates, that’s cool too. There’s options.
How To Give The Best Oral Sex
These are some tips to get you started, but each person is completely different when it comes to oral. So make sure you ask what your partner likes before, during, and after sex. Communication is the guaranteed way to make your partner have a good time when you’re getting down and dirty.
Page Last Reviewed: Nov 19 2020
Image credit: Ketut Subiyanto via Pexels