Let’s Talk Orgasms!

For women, and people with vulvas, the big ‘O’ can feel amazing. So how can you help yourself get there? 

Women and people with vulvas have come up with many creative ways to describe what their orgasms feel like. Some say it feels like a sneeze, a steep drop off a cliff, or a volcanic eruption.

But regardless of how you describe it, orgasms for women and people with vulvas can feel amazing! But some studies suggest heterosexual women only orgasm 65% of the time during sex, compared to 95% for heterosexual men.

There are a bunch of different reasons for the orgasm gap. For one, unfortunately our society tends to focus on the pleasure of men and people with penises over women and people with vulvas. Many guys don’t know how to pleasure people with vulvas as they don’t even know the different parts of the vulva (external genitalia).

Sex education often doesn’t talk about how to sexually pleasure your partner or how to communicate during sex. And guess what? People with penises and vulvas often orgasm through different kinds of simulation. For penises, your standard penis-in-vagina does the trick. But, for people with vulvas, clitoral stimulation often leads to orgasm. 

When it comes to difficulties in the bedroom, more education is always a good first step. You can learn how to tell your sexual partner(s) about your body and what feels good, leading to better sexy times. So, to start off… 

How do women orgasm?

Vulva with labelled parts: clitoris, clitoris hood, inner labia, outer labia, urethal opening, vagina, and anus
Illustration by Lucy Han 

Pictured above is the vulva (external genitalia). See that little bundle of nerves peeking out slightly where the two inner labia meet at the top? That’s the outside of the clitoris. And as Dr. Lloyd mentioned, it plays a large role in having an orgasm.

The clitoris contains 8,000 nerve endings, which means it’s very sensitive. So stimulating it is the easiest way for a woman or person with a vulva to orgasm. The clitoris also extends deep inside a woman or person with a vulva’s body in two shafts that run along either side of the vagina, like this:

Clitoris with labelled parts: glans, corpus cavernosum, crura, urethral opening, vagina, bulb
Illustration by Lucy Han 

The internal clitoris has a wishbone-shaped structure and is covered in soft tissue like the vaginal canal. During arousal, your heart rate increases and blood rushes to the vagina and clitoris. This causes beads of lubrication to form along the walls of the vagina. It can result in a warm, flushed, and tingling sensation as the body builds tension.

Eventually, after building a lot of muscle and nerve tension in the genitals, anus, and thighs, your brain may involuntarily release dopamine and oxytocin. And this results in the pleasurable rush called orgasms.

Ways for Women and People with Vulvas to Orgasm

Stimulating the clitoris is often the easiest way for women and people with vulvas to orgasm. You can do this by yourself through touching your clitoris or using a vibrator. Or your sexual partner(s) can help you out through touch, using a vibrator, or oral sex.

People with vulvas can also orgasm vaginally through G-spot stimulation through penetration from a penis or object. Or you can try the blended orgasm, which combines the best of both worlds by stimulating the clitoris and G-spot at the same time.

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